In Britain we tend to think of the term German humour as an oxymoron. But under the communist system people would tell some jokes and some of them were even funny. There are some rumours that the CIA were behind them. Typical topics were the scarcity of bananas, the infamous Trabant car, leader Erich Honnecker and the Stasi, the secret police. Of course, telling jokes could be dangerous as the Stasi had 91,000 employees and a network of around 189,000 civilian informants to spy on its citizens and you could end up in prison. Here is a selection:
How can you use a banana as a compass? Place a banana on the Berlin Wall. East is where a bite has been taken out of it.
A West-German boy to a GDR-boy: Why is the banana curved? The Ossie replies: What is a banana?
How do you double the value of a Trabant? Fill up the tank!
VEB Sachsenring brought out a new Eco-Trabi: Immediately available for delivery, extremely cheap, extremely quiet, extremely environmentally friendly – with electric power. Small problem: The extension cord is only 20 meters long and not in stock.
A new Trabi has been launched with two exhaust pipes — so you can use it as a wheelbarrow.
Why were there no bank robberies in East Germany? Because the robbers would have to wait fifteen years for the getaway car to arrive.
A West German businessman is driving a Mercedes through East Germany on a rainy night when his windshield wipers stop working. He takes it to an East German mechanic, who tells him there are no Mercedes windshield wiper motors in the GDR, but he will do his best to fix it. When the businessman returns the next day, to his surprise the windshield wipers are working perfectly. “How did you find a Mercedes windshield wiper motor in the East?” he asks the mechanic. “We didn’t,” replies the mechanic, “We used the engine motor of a Trabant.”
What would happen if the desert became communist? Nothing for a while, and then there would be a sand shortage.
Why can’t you get any pins in East Germany anymore? Because they are being sold to Poland as kebab skewers.
One night, Erich Honnecker was in the bedchamber having some pillow talk with his mistress. He was in a magnanimous mood and offered her a present of her choice. She thought about his offer for a moment and then replied, “Oh, Erich, if there is one thing I would like you to do for me, it is this: open the borders just for one day.” Honnecker said, “Of course, my dear,” but was a bit puzzled by her request. He asked, “But why would you have me do such a thing?” The mistress replied, “I want to be alone with you.”
How can you tell that the Stasi has bugged your apartment? There’s a new cabinet in it.
What’s the difference between an HO-sausage and Sputnik? They’ve officially confirmed that Sputnik 2 had a dog in it. (HO was the state grocery network)
