Here is a list of movies about art:
Andrei Rublev
Basquiat
Camille Claudel
Caravaggio
Carrington
Frida
Girl With a Pearl Earring
Goya’s Ghost
Love is the Devil: Study for a Portrait of Francis Bacon
Lust for Life
Modigliani
Pollock
Surviving Picasso
The Agony and the Ecstasy
The Lovers on the Bridge.
Vincent & Theo
The other day the Guardian had a piece about bad movie reviews which featured such barbs: “There are inflatable toys that are livelier than Stone, but how can you tell the difference? Basic Instinct 2 is not an erotic thriller. It’s taxidermy.“ and this one for Striptease: “Not funny enough, or dramatic enough, or sexy enough, or bad enough, to qualify as entertainment in any category.” I had a look on the web and I found some more:
Patch Adams made me want to spray the screen with Lysol. This movie is shameless. It’s not merely a tearjerker. It extracts tears individually by liposuction, without anaesthesia. Roger Ebert, Patch Adams
I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it. Roger Ebert, North
There is something hoary and semaphoric in the actors’ gestures, as if they were meant to be viewed from a distance; the Phantom, for example, keeps swishing his cloak to one side at random intervals, like Batman getting rid of a bad smell. “Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation,” he demands. Would you mind awfully if I don’t? Anthony Lane, The Phantom of the Opera
Mark Steven Johnson’s insufferably precious “reduction” of John Irving’s popular 1989 novel “A Prayer for Owen Meany,” might be described as the movie equivalent of a piece of stale angel food cake. Bite into it, and what you’ll find is a nearly flavourless mixture of air and sugar and more sugar and a texture so parched that a mouthful is almost impossible to swallow without risk of choking. Stephen Holden, Simon Birch
Should we mind that forty million readers—or, to use the technical term, “lemmings”—have followed one another over the cliff of this long and laughable text? I am aware of the argument that, if a tale has enough grip, one can for a while forget, if not forgive, the crumbling coarseness of the style; otherwise, why would I still read “The Day of the Jackal” once a year? With “The Da Vinci Code,” there can be no such excuse.
The movie is baloney; the movie is an accurate representation of the book; therefore, the book is also baloney, although it takes even longer to consume.”
“Behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people, except at Columbia Pictures, where the power lunches won’t even be half-started. The Catholic Church has nothing to fear from this film. It is not just tripe. It is self-evident, spirit-lowering tripe that could not conceivably cause a single member of the flock to turn aside from the faith. Anthony Lane, The Da Vinci Code
“Go tell the Spartans, passer-by, that here, by Spartan law, we lie.” So reads the ditty Simonides wrote about the Battle of Thermopylae, where, around 480 BC, Sparta’s King Leonidas led a force of only 300 in a suicidal defence against a Persian army perhaps a thousand times bigger. Their brave stand has been the subject of poems, novels, and films – the latest being 300, Zack Snyder’s adaptation of the 1998 graphic novel by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley. In short, 300 is a perfect combination of moral wrong-headedness and inept filmmaking. On any level beyond the pictorial, Snyder makes clunky Cecil B. DeMille epics like The Ten Commandments look positively deft. It presents itself as an instructive case study in nobility and bravery, but the only lesson I came away with was, “When in doubt … kill the hunchback.”
Go tell the Spartans, indeed. Tell them to go fuck themselves. LA City Beat, 300
Like ‘Tootsie,’ only without the drag. Or the class. Or the laughs. Seattle Post-Intelligencer, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
There are good movies. There are bad movies. There are movies so bad they’re good (though, strangely, not the reverse). And once in a while there is a movie so bad that it takes you to a place beyond good and evil and abandons you there, shivering and alone. Watching The Love Guru (Paramount Pictures) is a spiritual experience of a sort, but not the sort that its creator and star, Mike Myers, intended. This tale of a guru who brings joy to all who meet him is the most joy-draining 88 minutes I’ve ever spent outside a hospital waiting room. In the course of those long minutes, Myers leads you on a journey deep inside himself, to the source from whence his comedy springs—and it’s about as much fun as a tour of someone’s large intestine. Dana Stevens, The Love Guru
The Boiler Room written by Ben Young
An excellent film which takes a look at the world of “boiler room” (seedy, dishonourable, and often fraudulent) brokerage firms.
Jim Young (Ben Affleck) Okay, here’s the deal, I’m not here to waste your time. Okay, I certainly hope you’re not here to waste mine, so I’m gonna keep this short. Become an employee of this firm, you will make your first million within 3 years. Okay, I’m gonna repeat that, you will make a million dollars, within three years of your first day of employment at J.T. Marlin. There’s no question as to whether you become a millionaire working here. The only question is, how many times over. You think I’m joking….I am not joking. I am a millionaire. It’s a weird thing to hear, right? Lemme tell ya, its a weird thing to say: I am a fucking millionaire. And guess how old I am…27, you know what that makes me here? A fucking senior citizen. This firm is entirely comprised of people your age, not mine. Lucky for me, I happen to be very fucking good at my job or I’d be out of one. You guys are the new blood. You are the future swinging dicks of this firm. Now you all look money hungry and that’s good. Anybody who tells you that money is the root of all evil, doesn’t fucking have any. They say money can’t buy happiness. Look at the fucking smile on my face! Ear to ear baby! You want details, fine. I drive a Ferrari 355 Cabriolet. What’s up? (he slides his keys across the long boardroom table) I have a ridiculous house at the South Fork. I have every toy you could possibly imagine. And best of all, I am liquid. So now you know what’s possible, let me tell you what’s required. You are required to work your fucking ass off at this firm. We want winners here, not pikers. A piker walks at the bell. A Piker asks how much vacation time you get in the first year. Vacation time? People come to work at this firm for one reason, to become filthy rich, that’s it. We’re not here to make friends, we’re not saving the fucking manatees here guys. You want vacation time, go teach third grade at a public school.
Okay, first three months at the firm are as a trainee, you’ll make 150 dollars a week. After you’ve done training, you take the series seven, you pass that, you become a junior broker and you’re opening accounts for your team leader. You open forty accounts you start working for yourself, the sky’s the limit. A word or two about being a trainee, your friends, parents, other brokers, they’re gonna give you shit about it, it’s true, a 150 a week, that’s not a lot of money. Pay them no mind. You need to learn this business and this is the time to to do it.
Once you pass the test, none of that’s gonna matter. Your friends are shit. You tell em you made 25 grand last month they’re not gonna fucking believe you. Fuck them! Fuck ‘em! Parents don’t like the life you lead. Fuck your mom and dad. See how it feels when you’re making their fucking Lexus payments. Now go home and think about it. Think about whether or not this is really for you. If you decide that it isn’t, listen, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. This is not for everyone. But if you really want this, you call me on Monday and we’ll talk. Just don’t waste my fucking time……Okay, that’s it.
A.I. Artificial Intelligence
Barton Fink
Being John Malkovich
Brazil
Contact
Crimes and Misdemeanors
Dogma
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Existenz
Fahrenheit 451
Fight Club
Gattaca
Groundhog Day
I, Robot
K-Pax
Last Year at Marienbad
Memento
Minority Report
Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life
My Dinner with Andre
On the Beach
Swimmer
Open Your Eyes (aka Abre Los Ojos)
Pi: Faith in Chaos
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead
Solaris
Stalker
The Man With Two Brains
The Matrix
The Seventh Seal
The Trial
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Total Recall
Waking Life
Wild Strawberries
Zelig
Here is a list of some classic movie one-liners:
Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not every man for himself. A Fish Called Wanda
At my signal, unleash Hell Gladiator
Do you feel lucky punk? Well, do you? Dirty Harry
Face it, girls, I’m older and I have more insurance. Fried Green Tomatoes
Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn Gone With The Wind
Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room! Dr Strangelove
Go ahead, make my day Sudden Impact
Greed, for lack of a better word, is good Wall Street
Hasta la vista, baby. Terminator 2
Here’s Johnny! The Shining
Houston, we have a problem Apollo 13
I am big…it’s the pictures that got small. Sunset Boulevard
I do wish we could chat longer, but I’m having an old friend for dinner. The Silence of the Lambs
I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Apocalypse Now
I see dead people The Sixth Sense
I’m the king of the world. Titanic
I’ll be back The Terminator
I’ll have what she’s having When Harry Met Sally
I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse. The Godfather
I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore! Network
I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way. Who Framed Roger Rabbit
I’m not going to be ignored, Dan. Fatal Attraction
Infamy, infamy! They’ve all got it in for me! Carry on Cleo
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. Arsenic and Old Lace
Look at me, jerking off in the shower… This will be the high point of my day; it’s all downhill from here. American Beauty
Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Casablanca
My mama always said life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you’re gonna get. Forrest Gump
Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above. The African Queen
Remember, you’re fighting for this woman’s honour, which is probably more than she ever did. Duck Soup
Say hello to my little friend. Scarface
Show me the money! Jerry Macguire
The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he didn’t exist. The Usual Suspects
They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom! Braveheart
Well, nobody’s perfect. Some Like it Hot
We’re on a mission from God The Blues Brothers
You can’t handle the truth A Few Good Men
You don’t understand, I could’ve been somebody, I could have been a contender On The Waterfront
You talkin’ to me? Taxi Driver
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
A Clockwork Orange
Aeon Flux
Akira
Alphaville
Battle Royale
Blade Runner, adapted from Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick
Brazil
Code 46
Demolition Man
Encrypt
Equilibrium
Escape from New York and its sequel, Escape from L.A.
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
Gattaca
Logan’s Run
The Mad Max film series
The Matrix trilogy and The Animatrix series
Max Headroom made-for-TV film and television series
Metropolis by Fritz Lang
Metropolis by Osamu Tezuka
The Omega Man
Planet of the Apes filmed on two occasions, by Franklin J. Schaffner and Tim Burton, respectively, plus its sequels.
Resident Evil
Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Soylent Green
Sexmission
The Terminator and its sequels
THX 1138
12 Monkeys
Traumstadt, adapted from Die Andere Seite by Alfred Kubin
Zardoz
Source: Nationmaster
In 2005 a journalist called Christopher Booker published The Seven Basic Plots: Why We Tell Stories, a Jungian-influenced analysis of stories and their psychological meaning, a labour of love on which he had been working for over 30 years. Although he got very bad reviews in the press, he did receive praise from many novelists, playwrights and academics. He attempts to answer the answer to the age-old riddle of whether there are only a small number of ‘basic stories’ in the world, using examples, from ancient myths, folk tales, plays, novels, movies and soap operas. Here are the seven archetypal themes, which according to Booker, recur throughout every kind of storytelling:
RAGS TO RICHES Story of an ordinary person who finds a second, more exceptional, self within. Examples include Cinderella, David Copperfield, Great Expectations, Jane Eyre and Hollywood films such as The Gold Rush and My Fair Lady
THE QUEST A long, hazardous journey to reach a priceless goal far away. Examples of this include The Odyssey, Jason and the Golden Fleece, King Solomon’s Mines, Around The World in Eighty Days and Raiders of the Lost Ark
VOYAGE AND RETURN Story in which some event — a fall, crash, shipwreck — propels the hero or heroine out of their familiar surroundings into a disconcerting and abnormal world. Examples include Alice in Wonderland, Robinson Crusoe, The Ancient Mariner, The Time Machine
COMEDY Not just a general term, but an identifiable form of plot which follows its own rules. Examples include Tom Jones, the novels of Jane Austen, The Importance of Being Earnest, Fawlty Towers, Some Like It Hot
TRAGEDY Is an archetypal plot, with a five-stage structure culminating in destruction and death. The main character is overcome by a desire for power/passion, which destroys them or they become monstrous. Examples include Macbeth, Doctor Faustus, Lolita, and King Lear
REBIRTH Someone falls under a dark power or a spell that traps him or her in a state of living death. An miraculous act of redemption takes place and the victim is released and brought into the light. Examples include Sleeping Beauty, A Christmas Carol, The Sound of Music
OVERCOMING THE MONSTER A hero or heroine confronts a monster, defeats it against all odds and wins treasure or a loved one’s hand. Examples include David and Goliath, Nicholas Nickleby, Jack and the Beanstalk, Dracula, James Bond stories, Jaws
Absence of Malice 1981 Directed by Sydney Pollack.
All the President’s Men 1976 Directed by Alan Pakula.
Almost Famous 2000 Directed by Cameron Crowe.
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy 1993 Directed by Adam McKay
Broadcast News 1987 Directed by James L. Brooks.
Citizen Kane 1941 Directed by Orson Welles.
La Dolce Vita 1960 Directed by Federico Fellini.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas 1998 Directed by Terry Gilliam.
Foreign Correspondent 1940 Directed by Alfred Hitchcock.
The Front Page 1974 Directed by Billy Wilder
Good Night and Good Luck 2005 Directed by George Clooney.
His Girl Friday 1940 Directed by Howard Hawks.
The Insider 1999 Director, Michael Mann.
Network 1976 Directed by Sidney Lumet.
The Paper 1994 Directed by Ron Howard.
Sweet Smell of Success 1957 Directed by Alexander Mackendrick.
To Die For 1995 Directed by Gus Van Sant.
The Truman Show 1998 Directed by Peter Weir.
Wag the Dog 1997 Directed by Barry Levinson.
The Year of Living Dangerously 1982 Directed by Peter Weir.
The Libertine written by Stephen Jeffreys
The first lines:
Rochester: Allow me to be frank at the commencement. You will not like me. The gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. You will not like me now and you will like me a good deal less as we go on. Ladies, an announcement: I am up for it, all the time. That is not a boast or an opinion, it is bone hard medical fact. I put it round you know. And you will watch me putting it round and sigh for it. Don’t.” It is a deal of trouble for you and you are better off watching and drawing your conclusions from a distance than you would be if I got my tarse up your petticoats. Gentlemen. Do not despair, I am up for that as well. And the same warning applies. Still your cheesy erections till I have had my say. But later when you shag – and later you will shag, I shall expect it of you and I will know if you have let me down – I wish you to shag with my homuncular image rattling in your gonads. Feel how it was for me, how it is for me and ponder. ‘Was that shudder the same shudder he sensed? Did he know something more profound? Or is there some wall of wretchedness that we all batter with our heads at that shining , livelong moment.’ That is it. That is my prologue, nothing in rhyme, no protestations of modesty, you were not expecting that I hope. I am John Wilmot, Second Earl of Rochester and I do not want you to like me.
The last lines:
Rochester: So here he lies at the last. The deathbed convert. The pious debauchee. Could not dance a half measure, could I? Give me wine, I drain the dregs and toss the empty bottle at the world. Show me our Lord Jesus in agony and I mount the cross and steal his nails for my own palms. There I go, shuffling from the world. My dribble fresh upon the bible. I look upon a pinhead and I see angels dancing. Well? Do you like me now? Do you like me now? Do you like me now? Do you like me… now?
French film magazine Cahiers du Cinéma have compiled a list of the 100 greatest films of all time. It is published this month in an illustrated book and was put together by 76 French film directors, critics and industry executives. None of the films are British, echoing a remark made by the famous French director, (and a former editor of the magazine) Francois Truffaut:
The British cinema is made of dullness and reflects a submissive lifestyle, where enthusiasm, warmth, and zest are nipped in the bud. A film is a born loser just because it is English.
Anyway, here are the 100 films:
