Riding Pipeline: The Sarah Palin blue movie

October 5, 2008

There are rumours going round that Larry Flynt has prepared a Sarah Palin-themed blue movie.  It may well be a hoax but you never know with Larry Flynt. The website Radar has published a sneak preview of the script of the film, whose working title is Riding Pipeline. Here’s the first scene. [Caution: graphic content not suitable for children]

 

(Open on the Palin residence, Wasilla, Alaska. Evening. Governor Sarah Palin is sitting on the couch, reading “all of the magazines.” She is wearing a satin negligee and bunny slippers. Her luxurious brown hair is in a bun. Her glasses rest just so on the bridge of her nose. Todd is out of town on business. Trigg is peacefully asleep upstairs. There is a firm knock at the door. Palin puts down her reading material and goes to answer it.)

PALIN: Who is it?

GRUFF MALE VOICE: It’s Joe, the tanning-bed repairman.

(Palin unlocks the door and opens it)

PALIN: Hiya! You were supposed to be here two hours ago, doncha know?

JOE: I’m sorry. My snowmobile broke down outside of Matunska. I had to walk the rest of the way.

PALIN: Well, you’re in luck. I just baked a batch of chocolate-chip cookies. Why don’t you come inside and I’ll fix you a plate of ’em?

(Joe obliges. He takes a seat on the couch. Palin enters the kitchen and returns shortly after with the cookies. She gives them to Joe, but not before looking him up and down.)

PALIN: My oh my. That’s quite a toolbelt you have on. It looks heavy.

JOE: I have a big hammer.

PALIN: Oh, I betcha do. I love a big hammer. But I love screwdrivers, too! And wrenches. The fact is I love and respect all of America’s diverse tools, big and small. They’re what helps make us so great as a nation. Here, let me take that off for ya.

(Palin takes a seat on the coach beside Joe and starts to undo his belt. He stops her.)

JOE: Let’s go take a look at the tanning bed first.

PALIN: Oooh, okay.

(Palin leads Joe to the tanning salon in the basement. Joe carefully inspects the machine.)

JOE: Looks like there are just a bunch of screws loose.

PALIN: (seductively) You’re in luck. I fully support off-shore and on-shore drilling.

(PALIN pounces on Joe and throws him onto the top of the tanning bed. She quickly rips off his jeans.)

PALIN: God almighty! You are hung like a moose. Now I have to eat ya!

JOE: I’m bigger than a moose. Do you have any contraceptives?

PALIN: It’s okay. I already took a morning-after pill.

JOE: Um, are you sure it works that way?

PALIN: Are you asking me if I know what a morning-after pill is? Because I totally do! I’ll get back to ya with specifics.

(The two proceed to make furious love in a multitude of positions. Palin amply demonstrates that she has enough experience.)

PALIN: F**k me harder! HARDER! Pound me until my head is so empty that I can’t even remember the name of the one Supreme Court case I actually know! I want it to burn. Burn like a banned book. Oh God, Oh God, OH MY GOD! MAKE ME SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE!

(After 10 minutes, the two finish.)

PALIN: Wow-eee. I haven’t had a ride that good since Todd took me for a spin on the back of his Yamaha at the Tesoro Iron Dog.

JOE: That was amazing. What now?

PALIN: I feel so alive! Let’s grab my gay friend and go shoot wolves from the safety of a helicopter.

(End scene)


My media week 05/10/08

October 5, 2008

The Onion has an article about the current obsession with the iphone – Police: iPhone Left In Hot Car For Three Hours. Go here.

 

ABC’S Background Briefing has a programme about the remittances from migrant workers sending money home: it’s worth a staggering $500 billion. This programme will have a transcript. Go here.

 

If you’ve never heard Slavoj Zizek speaking, I strongly recommend this interview. He is a self-decribed “orthodox Lacanian (Jacques Lacan  was a 20th century French psychoanalyst and structuralist Stalinist” who writes about everything from the war in Iraq to popular culture. Half the timer I have no idea what he is going on about but there is something compelling about him. I also love his over-the top accent. This is an interview with Christopher Lydon on Radio Open Source. Go here.

 

The Bottom Line, BBBC Radio 4’s excellent program about business, is back on air. The BBC keep the podcast for a week and you can also stream it.  Go here.

 

I was listening to a programme about brands on the BBC and they were talking about a marketing company which has created a collection of branding disasters. Here is a link to that website.