Dumb Britain: A selection #2

A while back I did a post about Dumb Britain, the section in Private Eye  which features the stupid answers people give on quiz shows. Here is another selection taken from Private Eye’s Dumb Britain 2 edited by Marcus Berkmann:


PRESENTER: Who painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?

CALLER: Leonardo di Caprio.

(2CR FM)

ANNE ROBINSON: What type of bear lives in the Arctic?

CONTESTANT (after much thought): Penguin.

(The Weakest Link)

DOMESTIC SCIENCE PRESENTER: Emmental and Double Gloucester are both types of what?

CALLER: Banks.

(Breakfast Toaster Quiz, Heart FM)

ANNE ROBINSON: What ‘B’ was a pseudonym used by Charles Dickens?

CONTESTANT: Bart Simpson.

STEVE WRIGHT: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?

CALLER: Jesus.

ANNE ROBINSON: The point on a golf club or a tennis racket that gives the best contact is alliteratively known as the what spot?

CONTESTANT: The g-spot.

ANNE ROBINSON: Who won the U.S. Open Tennis Championship wearing a black dress modelled on Audrey Hepburn’s in Breakfast at Tiffany’s?

CONTESTANT: Roger Federer.

(All The Weakest Link)

PRESENTER: What name does Cat Stevens go under now? I’ll give you a clue, he became a Muslim…

CALLER: Abu Hamza?


PRESENTER: What is the capital of Cuba?

CALLER: Ermmm…

PRESENTER: Take your time.

CALLER: Ermmm…

PRESENTER: Go on, have a guess.

CALLER: Is it Belgium?

PRESENTER: Er, not quite.

(Sun FM, Sunderland)

DALE WINTON: Alderney and Sark – are they part of the Channel Islands?

CONTESTANT: Ooooh! Is that the English Channel? I don’t know, are there islands in the English Channel? I’ve never heard of any. France – that’s near the English Channel isn’t it?

(In It To Win It, BBC1)

ANNE ROBINSON: Pakistan was part of which other state until it achieved independence in 1947?


(The Weakest Link)

DAVE LEE TRAVIS: In which European country are there people called Walloons?

CALLER: Wales.

STEVE WRIGHT: On what part of the body is a lobotomy performed?

CONTESTANT: The bottom.

HISTORY PRESENTER: What was the date of the Battle of Hastings?

CONTESTANT: Ooooh! Er…. was it 1974?

(Galaxy Radio, Leeds)

PRESENTER: Which ancient army was discovered in China in 1974?

CONTESTANT: The Territorial Army.

(Metro Radio)

 ANNE ROBINSON: What ‘T’ did British POWs use to escape from Second World War German prison camps?

CONTESTANT: I don’t know. Was it herbal?

(The Weakest Link)

ANNE ROBINSON: In Roman Catholicism, baptism, confirmation and matrimony are three of the seven what?

CONTESTANT: Deadly sins.

(The Weakest Link)

ANNE ROBINSON: What man made structure built during the 3rd century BC is often said to be visible from space?

CONTESTANT: The Millennium Dome.

(The Weakest Link)

PRESENTER: According to legend, who shot an apple off the top of his son’s head?

CONTESTANT: Well, straightaway I’m thinking of Isaac Newton.

(Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old?)


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