Stupid football quotes: a selection from 2012

This week The Mirror had a feature on football gaffes: Stupid football quotes: 2012’s best gaffes from managers and pundits. There were over 200.  Here is my selection:

Paolo Di Canio is one picnic short of a hamperAlan Brazil

If we’d kept a clean sheet tonight, we’d have won 1-0 Steve Cotterill, after Forest lost 2-1

Sometimes you want Obertan to open his legs and do something a bit excitingAlan Pardew

If you closed your eyes, you couldn’t tell the difference between the two sidesPhil Brown

Levante have gone fourth in Serie A. If anyone can tell me what part of Italy Levante is in, please call. I’ve no idea – Alan Brazil

I hope to be back in management in the next future Paul Ince

I’m glad I don’t have to face Coloccini, because I don’t think I would touch many balls Demba Ba

The butterflies will be janglingGabby Logan

Shay Given is champing on the door to be involved this weekend Alex McLeish

Robben and Ribery have what you call a fisty relationshipUli Kohler

The pass for Wright-Phillips was overweightAlan Shearer

Mario Balotelli is like Marmite, you either love him or hate him. Me, I’m betweenJoe Royle

Man City are entering the eye of the tigerMartin Keown

Is it still called Calcutta? I thought it was Bombay these daysChis Kamara

The paint is hardly dry on Neil Warnock’s sacking – Jim White

Where do you sit on young players, Martin Keown?Jonathan Pearce

The proverbial is hitting the flan at the momentAlvin Martin

I’ve only played for Watford, so I’m called a one-man clubLloyd Doyley

There’s always been a fierce rivalry between Spurs and TottenhamDavid Pleat

Didier Drogba’s just a big loveable lump. Graham Norton seemed to get inside him last nightClive Tyldesley

Hopefully Andy Carroll has only tweeted his hamstringSam Allardyce

Newcastle are absolutely besotted by injuriesMark Lawrenson

The directors of the club are in dialect with the protestersSteve Kean

And now over to Barnet for another flash from Jacqui OatleyIan Robertson

They gave the Serbian FA a poultry fineAlan Brazil

They played Arsenal and got their backsides felt – Craig Burley

They’re being asked to play three games a week… mentally, they can’t ascertain to do that Bobby Gould

They should slowly integrate them out of the clubMick Quinn

That’s certainly lit the litmus paperBradley Allen

It’s not always plain sailing, especially when you’re flyingBrendan Rodgers

Chelsea have to play Sunday night – the FA won’t bulge Alan Brazil

It was a damp squid for Liverpool – Paul Merson

And here goes Agúero, looking to relieve himself – Mike Ingham

Ronnie Moran had us as young boys, religiously – Phil Thompson

The FA inquiry has been a farce from start to finish and it’s not even finished – Dietmar Hamann

Spurs have been here before at White Hart Lane – Clive Tyldesley

They’ve had their moments, City, but nothing too consecrated – Clive Tyldesley

If Oscar carries on like this then the world, literally, is at his oyster – Ian Abrahams

After Chelsea scored, Bolton epitulated. Paul Merson


If you want to see the full collection, go here.


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